FULL STORY: Today is National One-Hit Wonder Day . . . for some reason. If you’re wondering which one-hit wonder fits you best based on your zodiac sign . . . although why would you? . . . someone made a list. Here’s the rundown:
Aries: “Cum on Feel the Noize”, Quiet Riot: “Aries folk are about as subtle as a piñata full of ball gags . . . [This song is] an in-your-face, fist-pumping banger that begs for more and more, and then delivers.”
Taurus: “In the Summertime”, Mungo Jerry: “Taureans live by the pleasure principle, and this song celebrates all manner of earthly delights . . . The opening grunts even sound like lazy sex, the preferred pursuit of bulls.”
Gemini: “Informer”, Snow: “Gemini finds their spirit mirrored in a fast-spitting song that is as maddeningly likable as it is utterly incomprehensible . . . and with their penchant for word vomit, Geminis make up a large swath of snitches.”
Cancer: “Cake by the Ocean”, DNCE: “Invokes the crab tenants of intimacy, sidestepping the point, emotional eating and the familiar comforts of seaside environs.”
Leo: “I’m Too Sexy”, Right Said Fred: “No one has ever accused a Leo of modesty, and ‘I’m Too Sexy’ is an eye-roll anthem of superiority and self-worship.”
Virgo: “Dance Monkey”, Tones and I: “Virgo is prone to hyper-focused monkey behavior, doing weird, repetitive, and completely obstinate things in a signature way.”
Libra: “Smooth Criminal”, Alien Ant Farm: “[Libras are] so good at being charming charlatans that you almost want to thank them for robbing you.”
Scorpio: “Hit ‘Em Up Style”, Blu Cantrell: “Scorpio is the sign of sex, death and other people’s money. This banger extolls the bitter joys of literal payback, punishing a cheating partner with financial ruin.”
Sagittarius: “Tubthumping”, Chumbawamba: “Sagittarius is the sign of the eternal optimist and the pursuit of having a good time all of the time.”
Capricorn: “Black Velvet”, Alannah Myles: “Sung by a Capricorn about a Capricorn, [it’s] an ode to Elvis Presley. Ruled by taskmaster Saturn and represented by the devil tarot card, Capricorn is the sign of leather and legacy.”
Aquarius: “Blue (Da Ba Dee)”, Eiffel 65: “Aquarius flies the flag of the misunderstood, and listening to this song . . . feels a little like freebasing Fruity Pebbles and a whole lot like an Aquarius writing a memoir.”
Pisces: “Because I Got High”, Afroman: “Pisces is the sign of altered states and pastel oblivion, and Afroman’s anthem of ‘all that could have been if he hadn’t said yes to excess.’ speaks to [that] escapist spirit.”
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