FULL STORY:  Today is National One-Hit Wonder Day . . . for some reason.  If you’re wondering which one-hit wonder fits you best based on your zodiac sign . . . although why would you? . . . someone made a list.  Here’s the rundown:

Aries:  “Cum on Feel the Noize”,  Quiet Riot:  “Aries folk are about as subtle as a piñata full of ball gags . . . [This song is] an in-your-face, fist-pumping banger that begs for more and more, and then delivers.”

Taurus:  “In the Summertime”,  Mungo Jerry:  “Taureans live by the pleasure principle, and this song celebrates all manner of earthly delights . . . The opening grunts even sound like lazy sex, the preferred pursuit of bulls.”

Gemini:  “Informer”,  Snow:  “Gemini finds their spirit mirrored in a fast-spitting song that is as maddeningly likable as it is utterly incomprehensible . . . and with their penchant for word vomit, Geminis make up a large swath of snitches.”

Cancer:  “Cake by the Ocean”,  DNCE:  “Invokes the crab tenants of intimacy, sidestepping the point, emotional eating and the familiar comforts of seaside environs.”

Leo:  “I’m Too Sexy”,  Right Said Fred:  “No one has ever accused a Leo of modesty, and ‘I’m Too Sexy’ is an eye-roll anthem of superiority and self-worship.”

Virgo:  “Dance Monkey”,  Tones and I:  “Virgo is prone to hyper-focused monkey behavior, doing weird, repetitive, and completely obstinate things in a signature way.”

Libra:  “Smooth Criminal”,  Alien Ant Farm:  “[Libras are] so good at being charming charlatans that you almost want to thank them for robbing you.”

Scorpio:  “Hit ‘Em Up Style”,  Blu Cantrell:  “Scorpio is the sign of sex, death and other people’s money.  This banger extolls the bitter joys of literal payback, punishing a cheating partner with financial ruin.”

Sagittarius:  “Tubthumping”,  Chumbawamba:  “Sagittarius is the sign of the eternal optimist and the pursuit of having a good time all of the time.”

Capricorn:  “Black Velvet”,  Alannah Myles:  “Sung by a Capricorn about a Capricorn, [it’s] an ode to Elvis Presley.  Ruled by taskmaster Saturn and represented by the devil tarot card, Capricorn is the sign of leather and legacy.”

Aquarius:  “Blue (Da Ba Dee)”,  Eiffel 65:  “Aquarius flies the flag of the misunderstood, and listening to this song . . . feels a little like freebasing Fruity Pebbles and a whole lot like an Aquarius writing a memoir.”

Pisces:  “Because I Got High”,  Afroman:  “Pisces is the sign of altered states and pastel oblivion, and Afroman’s anthem of ‘all that could have been if he hadn’t said yes to excess.’ speaks to [that] escapist spirit.”

(New York Post)

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